| dear dylan |
[09 Nov 2006|09:44pm] |
I wanted to wait until my emotions were in check to write something that really meant something and wasn't just scribbles of thought.
you opened the doors to places I had never been.
you told me the things that I needed to hear.
whether you meant to or not, you helped me a lot.
wherever you went people knew you, for whatever reason.
I looked up to you, hoping one day I could be as influential to someone as you were to me.
when I looked at you, I saw someone who wasn't afraid to go after things he wanted.
I feel now it is my responsibility to make sure people never forget who you are.
I hope that everyone who knew you can put the differences aside in an effort to remember you.
you changed my life, dylan, and while I never told you how much you meant to me
I hope that I showed it somehow.
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[07 Nov 2006|06:25pm] |
new journal.
zigzagwandering
probably friends only.
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[05 Nov 2006|02:08pm] |
spoiled milk when I arrive home
but other than that the weekend is great for me
sausage fest '06
Telescope
broken quartz
Borat and Family Guy
candy candy candy
really good pizza
now is time for all seriousness, dammit I hate school.
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| kids don't need candy |
[31 Oct 2006|08:10pm] |
I really love
Frank Zappa.
so it only appears that I am way behind, but in fact I am very up-to-date.
I like when I like a person that no one would expect, so I don't have to worry about being found out. I like obscurity, I think that's why I don't mind living a somewhat normal life.
it feels really good to laugh a lot.
is high school worth all of this?
probably.
I have a new appreciation for silence and for not sharing my every thought with someone.
sometimes I actually believe the things that I say, no matter how obvious it is that I am lying.
I hope that I can make it through this week
tiny letters stuck between your teeth
your breath smells like hot garbage
it confronts my face. I gag in my throat.
I shiver when I see you, not because
you make me cold. it's that you make each cell
in my body furious. your empty jabber
is nothing I take seriously, just white noise
for the viewers asleep in their chairs.
it's time to wake up and hit the switch.
while recreating a atmosphere, sections
just break off to form new
burrows that people dig into to find
that the subjects of these movies
often find themselves in the right places,
an atmosphere that tends to play to their
strengths (never seeing weakness)!
it's too provocative and unpredictable,
continue stirring for years to come.
chances don't create themselves
and you can't expect life to have
the perfect soundtrack because
sometimes movies abruptly
end.
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[22 Oct 2006|10:23pm] |
i'm running out of things to say
i feel more and more alone it seems
but sometimes things have gone well this weekend
i'm running out of time
and friendships to ruin
I feel so awkward,
I just want to be normal.
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[19 Oct 2006|05:12pm] |
GSA applications came today
GSA '07 watch the fuck out
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| oh god |
[18 Oct 2006|05:34pm] |
I wrote something on the bus afterschool yesterday. first time in a long time.
the world moves in cycles
another turn of events
thinking I've averted sadness but
it blocks every exit.
fortunately, I'm not dead just yet
there's still a short amount of time
to waste
pondering the possible questions to answer
roasting on a spit
for over 300 days I feel
surrounded by shadows
twnety-four hours is all I need to know
if there is know end
i'm just going backwards again
figure eights of fleeting spirits
that i can't fathom letting go.
Music I have acquired in the past two weeks:
Big Black - Songs About Fucking
Brian Eno - Another Green World
Can - Ege Bamyasi
Can - Tago Mago
Jesus And Mary Chain - Psychocandy
Jesus Lizard - Goat
Jesus Lizard - Liar
Miles Davis - Bitches Brew
Minutemen - Double Nickels On The Dime
My Bloody Valentine - Isn't Anything
R.E.M. - Chronictown EP
R.E.M. - Reckoning
Violent Femmes - S/T
I don't have much to complain about
I'm actually happy and I want things to work out between us.
Lots of homework tonight
up all niiiight
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| when you wake up you're still in a dream |
[17 Oct 2006|01:42am] |
I'm sick of people casually walking in and out of my life
no one else notices, but it's pretty lonely
I'm sure this isn't all my fault
obviously I'll never have a chance at anything ever again
so I give up
beat the shit out of me if you really want to
I probably won't fight back
because it would be pointless.
you all make me feel pointless. thanks.
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| note to self |
[16 Oct 2006|03:33am] |
you have to let some people go in order to get closer to others
start writing againnnn when you have the time
what happened to the rush of things?
too complacent
I hate to do this to you, but there's not much else I can do in the situation
the past keeps coming back again and again
I'd like to move on with my life
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| i wanna see it all |
[15 Oct 2006|08:19pm] |
as it gets colder and colder, I become more and more disappointed for wasting summer
my weekends have been summer-like in activity
new people and old people, more and more bridges built and rebuilt
can't stand those people
I am feeling pretty good about the guitar
I want to take it to school and play but I don't have a case for it
today is a homework day as usual
gotta read a lot of ovid
as usual
I am pretty satisfied I guess because I have a plan of action, although cut and paste
reading ovid gets easier
its not too hard
33 1/3 on electric ladyland
enjoying it
kind of tangental in places but what did I expect
it was the 60s
but it aint the 60s anymore
except in someways we're just as lost
I woke up with inspiration for my personal essay
new better idea that I am dying to write down
definitely more personal
the first two lines are stuck in my head
I am excited excited to write
but more pressing matters are at hand so I'll tend to those
recording was interesting
noise noise noise new projects blooming flowers
this will be a good week I predict but we'll see
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| softly opening our mouths in the cold |
[12 Oct 2006|06:39pm] |
I can't help but put homework off for a few hours
I hate it so much
I'm sort of behind
this is why I'm not sleeping
the field trip was nice and weird sometimes
the cold weather today was such a weird thing
I haven't experienced cold weather in such a long time I feel like.
sandwiches can fucking suck sometimes
i don't have priorities. it's all the fucking same to me
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| you don't speak for me |
[10 Oct 2006|11:26pm] |
somewhere along the line, fantasy and reality became horribly separated.
is this really what i'm gonna look back on later, because if it is, I need to erase bits and pieces.
I deserve a little every now and then, and so do you, sometimes.
we deserve a little bit of each other
it's really tense, isn't it? the words we haven't said are just dying to come out one night.
or amybe i'm just projecting these things onto you, for my own satisfaction
maybe I need attention
I can feel creativity sparking just a little just a little
we recorded today
nice and homey yes 6 hours even with windows in a cul de sac I felt disolcated
why do we set such high standards
I don't know if i'm happy or sad right now, a mix of both I could fall off either side of the fence.
there's too much living inside of our heads we're not really experiencing the present
but who wants to experience bland sadness everyday?
I know what I want right NOW, why wait
there's so much jumping through hoops that we have to do
but there's only so much that I can take you know?
I wish I could say every single thing on mind right now, but i wouldn't even know where to start.
I'm stepping off of my soapbox now.
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| Time After Time |
[08 Oct 2006|08:33pm] |
so from this point on, I'm going to cut down on asking people to hang out sometime
because nothing ever happens
so they must not want to
so from now if someone wants to hang out, they'll ask
I'm tired of everything.
I don't have a car,
I don't live near you,
I don't have money,
I don't like doing the same things you like to.
I will make the effort if you will too.
But if you don't care, then I'll try not to.
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| sitting duckssss |
[01 Oct 2006|01:15pm] |
I am drifting apart from everyone else like continents. Which means that eventually we'll run into each other but the time apart is much further than the time together. I will develop and you will develop and then we will clash and everything will be massacred.
Collaboratory was great, just what I needed right before I start furious amounts of writing for GSA. New life experience will hopefully affect my writing.
a new plan of attack
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| so i can look good next to you. |
[30 Sep 2006|01:52pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
 morose |
] |
my life is influenced too much by past events.
I'm slowly regaining motivation back for getitng my life on some normal level.
grades are as follows
IB english - B (so close to an A, like 91 or something)
IB History - A-
ToK - B (I don't know how I managed this)
IB Spanish 3 - A-
AP Physics - U (getting changed this week, I hope)
AP Precal - B
I think I like physics too much and that's why i suck in there. I'm too relaxed. It's hard not to be realxed in that class, especially after lunch. There needs to be a nap period, I swear.
I must improve my physical and mental condition.
It's almost time to reapply for GSA. tomorrow is october. hopefully I can make it this year?
I have pressing matters to attend to, blech.
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| mountains, they move toward the sea |
[26 Sep 2006|10:20pm] |
There are two colors in my head.
School is this paradox where it sucks and it's amazing all at once. The challenge of staying on top of things appeals to me this year.
Honestly, I feel like my eccentric/neurotic personality is magnified by so many different things going on now.
Did you know that we all have to do die eventually?
So my ToK essay is probably pretty mediocre, although Palmer said she liked them better than last year's so that gives it a little bit of hope.
I actually like Ovid, except I can't make myself sit down and read it right now, much less do any other homework.
I'm doing just fine in school, thank you very much.
Big plans for my future. Near-far future.
This weekend will hopefully be fun
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[20 Sep 2006|09:12pm] |
so there's this show friday that I would gladly love for you to attend.
The Kodiaks
Morning Belle
August Moon
Telescope
Abandon Arlington
Sept. 22nd (Friday)
Crescent Hill Baptist Church
7:00
$5
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[11 Sep 2006|08:23pm] |
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I hope you know you're a fucking idiot.
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| this isn't happening. |
[04 Sep 2006|09:26pm] |
this weekend, I got to see myself do similar things in different scenarios.
saw how I reacted. it was weird
but I probably won't remember it, as there are no pictures to look at, and you might not remember the things I do.
these are my choices
I don't allow myself to become stuck in a group
too often i just float around individual friends are better anyway
I am underprivileged in ways that don't matter to me
but they hinder my life a lot.
I am drawn to other people that are individuals
mentally as well physically
I can't sepearate the things in my head that are my thoughts and what isn't.
not falling behind.
there are only a few people that I look forward to talking to all the time.
there are better things I can do with myself.
I'm so glad the weather is changing
I need to take the ACT, the PSAT, my permit test, work on my GSA application, find a job, get out of junior year alive and a little sane.
I am losing my friends so I can get through life.
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| how odd |
[22 Aug 2006|06:23pm] |
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even if I'm having a hard time being smart
junior year is really awesome
and just the fact that I am optimistic is enough to keep going.
I really like the zombies.
today is the day i start reading alice in wonderland for english
man isn't school sweet.
I changed my mind, second lunch is amazing.
the day goes so quickly.
my weekends are so awesome, even if they get repetitive. I feel a lot better when I don't stress out about never seeing people
because it doesn't matter if I do or don't.
gonna talk to some new girl tomorrow at school
that's what school is all about.
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